He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
