If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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