Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
