i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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