Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
