does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
