You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My liver just had a heart attack.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize