I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All the doctor said was why
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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