Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
