Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
