I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
