Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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