marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
