Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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