the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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