): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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