I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
