My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
