Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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