My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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