No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
