I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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