OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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