I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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