At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
