when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The ass gains better be worth it
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