Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
