Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
