remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
