it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
is wine microwaveable?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
