My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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