i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
