My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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