Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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