I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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