Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
