What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
