You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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