i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
