no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
