He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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