she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
