I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
