I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
