And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
