The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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