I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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