You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
