I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
