did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
