Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
