i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
