false alarm. still invincible.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
