Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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