This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
