My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
