if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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