the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
