so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
