I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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