apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
