Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
