chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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