so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
