so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the condom got lost in my hair
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
