I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
