her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
