he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
