remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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