C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
