I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
