Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
