I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
