well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
