I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
