it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
