I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
