So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
