i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
