I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
