Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
