I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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