i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
