where does the pee come out of this thing
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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