My liver just broke up with me...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This house was built for laser tag.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
40s are totally the cure
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
