saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
