"it" just moved
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
