my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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