The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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