i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
