Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
