His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
