cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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