And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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