see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
