Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize