Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
