Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and she was petting her beer can
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
