dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We named our party play list daddy issues
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The power of my boobs compel you
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize