I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
