Umm I'm too high to move.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
