porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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