Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize