please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
