He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
