Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
