You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
