Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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