she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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