brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
