I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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