i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
